Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Dinner Meeting 892, Wednesday, 4th May 2011, Jade Palace Restaurant,Penang.


Dinner Notice : 892
Place : Jade Palace Restaurant,Penang
Time : 7.30pm Fellowship
: 8.00pm Meeting

Chairman : Terrie Loo
Fine Master : Jane Chan


Tea party at the Penang General Hospital Children Wad.


Which is the most Dangerous

English Language Alphabet ?

Answer "W"...

It is tension generator...

Because all the worries get initiated with "W"...

Who??

Why?

What?

When?

Which??

Whom??

Where??

War...

Wine...

Whisky...

Women...

Wealth

And Finally .......

..........

..........

..........

Believe it or not

..........

..........

..........

..........

..........

WIFE.....
Bosses FYI...

Dear STAFF,

Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

***********

1) TRANSPORTATION:

It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.

c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

***********

2) ANNUAL LEAVE :

Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).

- They are called SATURDAYs AND SUNDAYs.

***********

3) LUNCH BREAK:

a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

***********

4) SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.

- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

***********

5) SURGERY :

As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.

- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.

- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

***********

6) INTERNET USAGE :

All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges

will be deducted from your salary.

- Important Note: Charges applicable as RM.20 per minute as we have 10MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed somewhere else.



Here are some nice slogans to round up your day !


Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale........ Cheap.......

....no strings attached.

Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ....

One Lung At A Time!

On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative.

The more the Success,

the more the Relatives.

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...

I Gave Up Reading .

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need

Glasses... He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick..
Or when your Son starts To wipe It Off.


Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking

To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance.'

Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn

To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.

Behind Every Great Man,

There Is A Surprised Woman.

The Reason Men Lie Is Because

Women Ask too Many Questions..

Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.

Laugh And The World Laughs With You,

Snore And You sleep Alone.

The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life

Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To

Contact Us.

Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit :
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.


A Traffic Slogan:
Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are

Not Old Enough Or else They Will Never Be.

Sign In A Restaurant:

All Drinking Water In This Establishment

Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window:
Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here.

She May Be Your Grandmother!



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